A Hole In A Heart
by Jesse girl06
Summary: Suze is feeling hurt where is Jesse why did he ever leave her? or even did he leave her I'm not very good at summary's sorry
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer; I am sadly not Meg Cabot I own nothing but the plot I might own a few people in it actually I'm not quite sure**

Why, Why does love have to hurt so very bad, I mean I have been hurt by

ghosts so bad in my life and none of that hurts as much as heart break maybe

Not even death itself. So I was sat there on my own on the window seat my

knees pulled up to my chin thinking of the many times Jesse had sat there

And I was hurting, very badly deep inside of me, just thinking of him sent a jab

of pain sweeping through me. Five years after Jesse had been brought to life he

had gone missing, completely missing they searched for months even years

maybe but they have never found him he's just always been labelled missing,

and the worst part of it all is that 6 months before he went missing he got me

pregnant and now I have a 5 year old daughter who has no kind of idea who

her dad is.

Sitting there thinking about the love of my life who was probably dead on his

Birthday was what made me do it, I jumped off the window seat I couldn't

Live like this anymore without having him there with me I was just so empty

There was a Jesse shaped hole carved out in my heart, I marched into Natalia's

Room "Natalia, honey we are going on a trip" She dropped the toy she was

Playing with her dark hair matching her dad's bounced "Why Mommy?"

"we're gonna find daddy"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note; I know the last chapter was really short I'm going to make it up to you I promise!**

I didn't know where I was going to go I had no idea where he was

I just needed to go, the pain was too much, I had to take action.

By the time we got outside the sky was blue but rain had started to

trickle down wetting the front of my ever fading black top, I threw a

little yellow Mac over Nat's head, and bundled her into the car. I

found myself a couple of hours later in New York (A/N: I know it

probably takes longer than that to get to New York from California

but I don't live in America) on 288 Randolph Drive knocking on a

door "is this where Daddy lives Mommy?" I looked down at my child

what was I doing bringing her here of all places, I clutched her hand

more tightly " No honey"

"who does then" she said looking up at me with her deep dark Jesse

eyes " A umm…friend of mine, he's called-" The door swung open

"Suze?" I didn't dare look into his piercing blue eyes

"umm… yeah hi Paul" The rain had got heavier and I can't imagine what my hair looked like "What are you doing here" he said before

looking down at Natalia "Is this your kid, Jesse's kid?" I slowly nodded thinking anytime now he would slam the door in our faces

"I suppose you better come in then" I looked around the building we had entered it was very like his old house back in Carmel very modern all silver and metallic, Paul looked down at Natalia again

"You touch her and I kill you" I said, I did not want to get my daughter involved with Paul Slater "ok, ok I wasn't going to"

"So umm Suze why are you here, how many years has it been?"

I couldn't believe this, I couldn't believe I was doing this why was I here and then I remembered; because Paul is a mad psychopath and he hates Jesse's guts so it's quite likely he

knows something about his mysterious disappearance "it's about Jesse" to my surprise Paul's expressionless face did not expressionise "what about him" I really didn't want to explain

it pained me to much but I had to otherwise I was not going to get anywhere "Jesse went missing a while back" Paul didn't seem to show any sorrow for me in fact he looked quite

happy "I'm sorry to hear that but what's that got to do with me" I raised one eyebrow at him "don't give me that Paul, you know something don't you?" he shook his head half laughing

although I really didn't see what was funny about my husband disappearing "honestly I don't for all we know Suze, Jesse might be dead" I turned my head away from him that hurt,

that hurt more than all those times I'd spent Christmases, Birthdays, Anniversaries with out him being there beside me "Shut up Paul"

"ok but it's the truth he might be dead" I didn't say anything the words were ringing round my head and hitting me hard smack bang in the face.

"Look Paul can we at least spend the night we've nowhere else to go"

"Sure go on upstairs I just have to make a phone call" and with that he'd gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note; Sorry I haven't updated in a while I have three brothers who feel a need to hack into my email and read my fanfic ones so brothers if you are reading this stop it!**

I put Natalia to bed and got her eventually got her to go to sleep, I

had not though been to the toilet in several hours so I tried to find

one behind the many doors in what seemed like a mansion, I stood

there for a while wondering which cool silver handle to turn when I

just decided to ask the man himself so I tiptoed down stairs, I

would have liked to say this was because I didn't want to disturb

Paul's phone call but it was actually because I wanted to over hear

his conversation "Damn! I needed to tell him I needed to warn him

she's gonna see him she's gonna find out she gonna-"

"Umm… Paul, where's the bathroom" I know I had no right to listen

in to his phone call but it turns out he wasn't on the phone anyway

but the words that had come out of his mouth had made me very

Suspicious. As Paul directed me to the bathroom I tried not to

Stare into his fierce blue eyes that were staring at me. After going

to the toilet and having a quick soak in the bath I did what I do

every special occasion that he is not here for, I rang CeeCee

"Hello"

"Oh hi Adam, is CeeCee there?"I heard Adam calling for CeeCee, Adam and CeeCee had got married

several months before Jesse and me, a jab of pain whooshed

through me as I thought of our wedding day.

"Suze, hello, Suze? " I snapped out of memory lane and woke up

to reality "Yeah I'm here sorry"

"are you alright Suze, I mean seeing as"

"Yeah I'm fine" suddenly nervous she probably wasn't gonna like

where I was sitting right now "So I tried to ring you today but there

was no answer, were you out?" I bit my lip here goes "umm… yeah

CeeCee listen I'm at er Paul house" I waited for her reaction

"What? Suze what the hell are you doing there?"

"well… I think Paul might have something to do with Jesse

disappearing" there was silence for a while "Suze I'm not letting you

stay there by yourself I'm coming round I'll be there soon, ok?" and

then she hung up not wanting me to reply. Great this is all I need,

this trip just seemed to be one big mission academy reunion.


	4. Chapter 4

CeeCee turned up several hours later her white blonde hair sticking

To her face with the rain and wind. When Paul found out he wasn't

Pleased but he eventually gave in and let CeeCee stay.

I was sat in the white bedroom at 3 o'clock in the morning staring

into the Darkness I couldn't sleep "CeeCee" I whispered shaking

her, she Woke with a moan "What, what is it" she said turning to

face me, I put a finger to my lips and pointed at Natalia who was

fast asleep "I need to find Jesse" I whispered, CeeCee sat up now

seeming a little more wide awake "I know Suze but your gonna

have to get some sleep" I sighed "We'll find him tomorrow, I

promise" I nodded and fell back into the pillow. I must of got some

sleep because I woke the next morning CeeCee was already dressed

and ready to go, she had her lap top out and was obviously

scanning the internet for clues for where Jesse might be, she turned

to face me "oh your awake I've been searching for where Jesse

might be"- didn't I tell you "Well don't just lie there Simon we have

work to do" I sulked off into the bathroom and got ready I didn't

feel like breakfast, I thought I might be sick if I had any, when I

re-entered the room Natalia was up and playing on CeeCee's laptop

with CeeCee watching her very closely and looking at her watch

"Where have you been? Well at least your ready now come on" she

said trying to pull me "ok one sec I'm just gonna grab something to

eat" ok this was a lie I wanted to actually talk to Paul and try and

get something about Jesse out of him, I sauntered downstairs and

was about to open the kitchen door when I heard the dialling of the

phone, I pressed my ear against the door wondering whether it was

the guy he had tried to ring yesterday "he better be in" I heard Paul

muttering to himself "oh hi!" "Yeah I need de Silva taken care of"

I pressed my ear harder against the door not believing what I was

Hearing "because" I heard him say "she is here in this house and

She is going to find him if he is just roaming the streets" I was

Guessing she meant me "do what ever you have to break his legs

Anything just make sure he doesn't leave the house" I held my

breath "ok see you later then" I heard him put the phone down

I burst open the door in outrage "you knew? You knew all this time

And you didn't tell me!" I shouted, Paul looked taken aback

"You were listing into my phone call?" Paul asked, I stepped back

"You knew" I whispered, and then I ran ignoring the shouts of Paul

"Wait Suze come back!" but I carried on running until I got into the

town centre, there was what seemed like hundreds of people there

all shopping and then I saw someone the sight of them took my

breath away, he was still 6ft, he still had rock hard abs and he still

wore a gold band on his wedding ring finger on his left hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note; sorry this took me so long to write but this is an emotional chapter and I had to get the feel of it.**

"Jesse!" I shouted trying to move between the people trying to

get into the sales "Jesse" I shouted again, but he carried on walking

oblivious to my shouts, so I followed him until the crowd had died

down "Jesse" I half whispered out of breath he turned around

"Susannah?" he said taking a step forward into the street "Jesse

no!" I screamed as a car sped round the bend and sent Jesse

crashing onto the ground, I ran towards Jesse who was unconscious

and bleeding a lot, I turned to look at the car and nearly had heart

attack the number plate was PAU1 S it was a shiny black jaguar and

it was Paul's car, but I didn't care about that right now I just knelt

over Jesse "Come on Jesse, don't die, don't die, not again, you

can't" I Kept whispering over and over again, and when I finally

looked up I saw that Paul's car had gone, that's how much of a

coward Paul Slater is, I turned back to Jesse again repeating my

words over and over again hoping it would be like some magic spell

and bring him to consciousness. I heard someone shout "The

ambulance is on it's way" but I didn't look up I just clung tightly to

his hand whispering the same words over and over again, I carried

on doing this the whole way to the hospital the doctors must have

thought I was crazy but I didn't care I didn't care about anybody

right now the only person I cared about was Jesse. It wasn't until

we actually got to the hospital that I stopped whispering to him I

just stared at my practically dead husband well that is until he

opened his eyes, never in my whole life have I been so pleased to

see those eyes "Susannah" he said his voice unbelievably smooth

to say he'd been in a car accident "Jesse" I said blinking away the

tears in my eyes "I know you" he said I was a bit taken aback by

this "yes, Jesse we're married, don't you remember?" I asked

"no" Jesse said slowly "Jesse, five years ago you went missing"

I sighed "you left me" Jesse looked slightly taken aback himself

"Susannah I didn't leave you" he said "no?" I asked "no I didn't

leave you because I never was with you" he said…

**I know my grammar is very bad but I did get a 5a in my SATs**

**Last year for English, but I suppose that wasn't for my grammar.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note; Hello d! Hope you are having a well ace holiday :D**

April 25th 2001 

"See you tonight querida" Jesse said closing the front door to their

house, "I'll be back around 7" he shouted through the door before

getting in the car to go to work, Jesse switched on the radio to

hear, Hear You Me blaring out of the speakers by Jimmy Eat World,

Jesse liked the song because it kind of related to him and Suze.

Ok except for the whole girlfriend being dead thing, no thankfully

Suze was not dead, but anyway after work Jesse thought he'd stop

off at the hypermarket, maybe if he hadn't had done that this whole

thing wouldn't have occurred, but he did so it did happen.

Standing outside the hypermarket was a tall figure he wore a black

Polo shirt and some fading jeans, his brown curly hair rippled in the

Breeze, he was waiting for someone, and finally his wait was over

As an equally tall guy, and equally handsome guy emerged from the

Shop, it was Jesse straight from work, the other tall figure took a

Step toward Jesse "Paul" Jesse said half angry "Jesse" Paul said

With a smirk on his face "I thought I told you to stay away from

Susannah" Paul tapped his foot smiling "you told me to leave

Her alone but not to leave you alone, so" he said "lets make this

Nice and easy shall we you come in my car and we have a little…

Chat or I go for Suze. It's your choice" so Jesse did what any sane

Man who is madly in love would do at that point, he got in the car

He didn't know this would be the biggest mistake of his life

"So…" Paul said locking the car doors once they were inside and

strapping himself "Paul what are you doing?" Jesse asked as Paul

started the car up "making you pay" Paul said calmly.


	7. Chapter 7

"what do you mean?" Jesse asked as they backed out of the parking

lot "oh you'll see" Paul said with the same mad grin on his face,

they turned the corner of the road and sped up a deserted

motorway "slow down" Jesse said, but Paul just sped up "Paul what

are you doing, slow down" Paul reached 100mph and Jesse still

didn't have his seatbelt on "Paul slow down you're going to kill us!"

Jesse shouted , Paul grinned at Jesse "You mean I'm going to kill

You" he said the car got to over 150mph, it swerved out of control

And hit a lamppost on Jesse's side of the car. All anybody would

have heard if they'd been there was the smashing of glass Jesse

didn't scream or shout or anything like that when he was knocked

unconscious, and Paul didn't seem to care he only cared that he had

managed to come out of it unharmed-but to give Paul credit this is

what happened next- Paul stepped out of the car brushing glass of

his polo shirt, he then opened Jesse's door and carried him out of

the car and placed him on the road, Jesse's face was covered in

blood and nasty cuts and his leg was obviously broken, "Jesse,

Jesse wake up" he said shaking him until Jesse opened his eyes to

Reveal the dark pools that were his eyes "who are you?" Jesse said

Looking around him "where am I, what's happening?"

"Jesse it's me Paul" Paul said, "stop being stupid" he said giving him

a light punch in the arm "umm…I don't know you" Jesse said

"you do Jesse, come on it's me Paul Slater" Jesse shook his head

"I don't know you and who's Jesse?" Jesse said

"You are, you're Jesse, Jesse de Silva" Paul said crouching next to

Jesse "I am?"

"yes" Paul sighed

"where do I live?" Jesse asked

"You live in Ca- you live in New York with me, I'm your best friend"

"oh, do I have a girlfriend?" Paul grinned

"no, no you don't your bit unlucky with the ladies" Paul said staring

at the wedding ring on Jesse's finger with _J&S_ inscribed on the left

hand side of it 'I'll have to do something about that later' he said to

himself "anyway" Paul said "We need to get you checked out the

hospital, I think you've lost your memory". So Paul and Jesse did

go to the hospital "well" the doctor at the New York hospital said

"It looks like you have lost your memory, is there anything you

can remember?" Jesse shook his head, "no" which was a lie Jesse

could remember something or rather someone he could remember

a woman and all he knew about her was her name Susannah.

**Ok I know that was really rubbish I had writers block and I was writing it while talking to three people on msn. I'm really sorry the next chapter will be better honest!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note; Thank you to all the people who review my stories you make my world keep moving :)  
**

**Back to the present**

'Jesse you know that's not true don't you know that you had never

lived in New York before and that Paul isn't your friend and that

that…' 'ssshhh' he said putting a finger to my lips "I know I know'

he said 'so Susannah tell me about my real life' I half laughed 'you

wouldn't believe me if I told you' I said shaking my head 'please

Susannah I know nothing about my past life nothing' So I told him

Everything, I started by telling him about Natalia 'where is she?'

He asked 'she's back at our house with Cee Cee I didn't want to

Leave them at Paul's house so I rang them' and then I got down

To the hard stuff the stuff that really I knew Jesse would never

Believe. When I had finished several hours later Jesse who had

Been quiet the whole time said 'I'm sorry but I find that very hard

to believe' I looked down at my hands 'no seriously Jesse you were

a doctor you were amazing always-' ok I admit I was avoiding the

subject 'no Susannah the bit about me being a ghost the bit

about me seeing and talking to dead people the bit about me living

in the 18th century' I pulled back my chair and stood up 'if you

think this is funny to play with people's minds like this then you can

think again seriously that is sick' I blinked away the tears that had

started to appear in my eyes ' I'm sorry Jesse, I'm gonna leave now

our daughter and I won't bother you again, I need to go and talk to

Paul anyway'

'no, no way are you going to talk to Paul, he is quite a violent man

you know' I almost burst out laughing 'really you think' I said

sarcastically, Jesse raised one eyebrow at me 'please don't go I will

go' I smiled Jesse may have lost his memory but he still had the

same manors 'Jesse' I began 'I don't think you are really in the right

state to do that' I said gesturing at his broken leg and arm and the

countless amounts of gashes and scars on him 'anyway' I said 'I

have to go, and I'm sorry again' I turned to leave for the second

time but Jesse firmly but gently gripped my wrist I turned back to

look at him 'no querida wait' the single word querida sent a pang

through me, I had longed to hear that word from those lips for

so long. I looked deep into his never ending dark pools of eyes

and then we kissed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note; I know the last chapter was really short but this chapter will be longer… I think**

'Paul Slater' I shouted as loud as I could flinging open the front door

I didn't bother knocking, I flung open the kitchen door of his house

'haven't you ever heard of knocking?' Paul asked annoyed 'shut up

Paul, shut up and stop ruining my life' Paul raised an eyebrow at me

'how' he said 'have I ruined your life?' he said a grin on his face

'you-' I began but Paul interrupted 'I may have run over your

precious Jesse it's not like I killed him or anything' but Paul didn't

stop there 'anyway aren't you mad at him for leaving you like that'

that's when I got really mad not that I wasn't mad already but that

was the final straw 'I know what you did Paul, to Jesse I mean the

day he disappeared' Paul's smirk was still plastered on his face

'so?' he said 'so I might just have to tell the police what you did'

'I don't really think you'll be doing that Suze' he said shaking his

head 'what makes you think I wont I'm not scared of you' I said

hoping he hadn't realised how scared I really was 'that's not what

I'm talking about Suze, you may have guts' he said gripping his

Hands hard around my wrists 'but you don't have the exit' his grip

Tightened his fingers digging into me 'what do you mean?' I said

Although I had a pretty good idea of what he meant 'well Suzie'

He said getting closer to me 'don't call me that' I said 'well Suzie'

Paul practically spat totally ignoring me 'once I've finished with

You down here I'm going to go and pay your little Jesse a visit and

Finish him off' he was so close to me now that I could smell his

minty breath, I looked up at him, his lips in a pouted shape

I looked frantically around me for something to hit him with but I

Couldn't exactly grab it with the grip Paul had on me, so I tried to

Knee him in the nuts but he was so tall that I couldn't reach that far

So I settled for a hard whack at his thigh, it didn't get the desired

Affect but it did help -a bit- 'ow what d'ya do that for?' he said

Letting go of one of my wrists 'why do you think I did it' I said

Trying to slap him with my free hand but he was too quick and

Grabbed my wrist again he grinned at me as I tried to wriggle free

From his vice like grip 'you know Suze we can do this the hard way

Or the easy way I don't mind either way Suze' he said taking in my

Kicks like they were just pokes 'okay looks like were going to have

Do this the hard way-well for you' he said pushing me into the

corner of his kitchen and leaning his back on my so I was squashed

into the corner, I could hardly breath let alone move, when Paul

turned to face me again he had some rope in his hand 'no way Paul

no not this time' I said then I kicked him right in the targeted place

'aaahhh' he said staggering back and clutching his delicate area, I

pounced on him and pushed him to the ground, I sat on his back to

make sure he didn't get away 'Suze give over get off my back'

'what so you can go kill my husband I don't think so'

'Suze get off my back now!' he shouted 'no' I said ' I'm quite

comfortable sitting here I could just sit here all day' I said looking

at my fingernails 'but I have better things to do' I said getting of his

back I watched as he tried to get up but as soon as he did I

stamped my foot on his back and pinned him to the ground with it

'where do you think your going Paul' I said bending down but still

keeping my foot firmly on his back 'away from you your crazy' he

said 'I don't think you'll be going anywhere'-I know this is mean but

he deserved it after what he'd done- 'now I'm going now if you

follow me or hurt anyone I care about, I will come after you do you

understand' I said patronizingly 'yeah sure I promise just get of my

freaking back' so I did and I walked slowly to the door but as I

turned to make my exit Paul grabbed hold of one of my legs and

flipped me on to the floor hard on my back 'ow' I cried 'ow ow ow'

I said trying to get to my feet but unfortunately Paul had already

got to his feet 'how does it feel to be the one on the floor now?' he

said and then he kicked me hard in the side 'Paul what are you

doing, do you think your going to achieve anything by doing this?

Do you think it's going to suddenly make me love you?' Paul

Stopped but kept his foot on a piece of my jumper so I couldn't get

Up 'shut up, shut up you don't know anything' he said and then he

kicked me again harder 'stop it Paul just stop it! Your not a woman

beater!' he stopped again but this time he didn't kick me again he

didn't even keep me pinned down, so I stood up even though it hurt

a lot to do so I staggered to the door 'you know I once thought you

were ok you know I thought we could be friends but I was wrong

wasn't I, Paul Slater isn't nice he isn't friendly he's an idiot he is

nothing!' and then I slammed the door I ran down his front door

steps and got into my car I slammed the car door and then I did

the only thing I could think of doing I called the cops.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note; I'm so so so sorry this has taken this long to put up here but now it is here so yay!**

I will never forget that day ever, it's just one of those days that will

Stay with you forever, so many things happened Paul got charged

For all the crimes he had done which will add up to about 30 years

Which means he will be 55 when he gets out, so we have 30 years

Of knowing that Paul won't bother us any more, and when I say us

I mean yes well us Jesse and I are getting our vows renewed this

Summer and I'm expecting another a little girl which Jesse

Desperately wants to call Josephina after his sister and Natalia loves

What is going on she was a bit confused at first but now she

understands that Jesse is her dad and that a certain someone did

something to him to make him leave us, but I think it'll be a long

time before we tell her about the whole your dad used to be a ghost

and your mom can see ghosts and speak to them and everything

and then she can chose whether she believes us or not but you

never know she might be a mediator, oh damn are children might

be mediators but at least they'll have someone to talk to about it

won't they? But anyway the thing I love most about Jesse being

back is the fact that I'm not alone in the world anymore, that Jesse

shaped whole has been filled in and I feel that my life my just be

getting back on track that there are more opportunities for me and

I feel whole again.

And maybe just maybe this could be happy ever after...

**_The End_**


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